Collaborative Law Divorce « Divorce For Grownups

Why Talking to a Divorce Lawyer Can Save Your Marriage

Mr. X, a CEO of a well known public company; Mr. Y, a public figure running for office; Ms. Z, a stay-at-home-mom in a twenty plus year marriage. What do they all have in common? They are people I have met with and discussed options for divorce or legal separation and they are all still married.

Often people fantasize about another life — the what ifs. Sometimes that fantasy leads them down a path of considering dissolving their marriage. What are the options? What will it cost? What is the alternative?

In each of the cases I mentioned earlier, the person met with me and we discussed what the options were. In each case, the person realized that staying in his/her marriage was a better option — for him/her. Hopefully each went to counseling and resolved the issues.

The majority of times, however, people learn that the outlook for a better life was better than they thought. People are relieved to learn that it is not necessary to have “grounds”, you don’t have to prove fault. In this state the only grounds are “The marriage is irretrievably broken”. Often they discover the money issue is not as bad as they thought and the scary stories their friends were telling them did not really apply to them or that the threats made by their spouse were simply not true. (Example: ”the kids will live with me because you can’t afford to provide for them” or “you have to support me the rest of my life”)

I find that people are very nervous about seeing a “divorce lawyer”. I offer a legal “coaching” session for that very reason. When someone comes to me for a coaching session I make it a comfortable, informal situation as we sit around a table. No one sits opposite me as I hide behind a big, imposing desk. I do not have them fill out a huge questionnaire, I usually don’t even take out the yellow legal pad. I just listen and answer questions as honestly and completely as I can. My goal is to inform the person so he/she can make a decision based on facts.

Over time I have developed a sense of whether a person is ready to take the next step in a dissolution. If I don’t think the person is there yet, I am honest. I should get compensation from the marriage counselors and the floral industry!

Legal coaching is just that — coaching and answering questions. It is not the beginning of an adversarial process.

If you know someone who keeps talking about perhaps dissolving their marriage you might just be doing them a big favor by suggesting a coaching session with me to help them get the information they need to make an informed decision.

Here is a link to a previous post that explains more: http://divorceforgrownups.net/2011/03/dont-want-to-hire-a-lawyer-for-your-divorce-how-about-a-legal-coach/

How Divorce Closed Down A Business

“The business was forced to close because of the owner’s divorce”

I was disappointed as I approached a favorite business only to find it had closed it’s doors for good. An employee of a neighboring business told me it closed because the owner had gotten a divorce. As a divorce lawyer, this made no sense to me. Why would a divorce cause a business to close? Who would possibly gain by this? Not the owner, certainly not the customers and even the ex spouse would be disadvantaged by the business being closed. Yet it does happen and it can be avoided. Here are some examples from my own experience where a business has been put in jeopardy during a divorce. Of course, the facts are altered and I have used illustrative composites to preserve the privacy of these real people. Read more….

Keeping Your Divorce Information Private

Did you know that divorce files are open to anyone?

At one time divorce files could be “sealed” so that no one other than the parties or their attorney could look at the files. That is no longer. Divorce files are public record and available to anyone with or without a legitimate purpose according to the Freedom of Information laws. In many places the files are available on line or soon will be. The only way to keep such information from prying eyes is to not have it in the record at all. Just because you are getting a divorce does not mean you have to expose all of your private information to other’s scrutiny. Read more….

Dissolving a Marriage or Partnership – At Mid-Life and Beyond

While looking for new topics to post I have been reviewing some of my previous postings and I am finding some relevant ones worth reposting. This is from September 2009 and I have added some updates. Many of my clients have been married long term and are facing a mid life divorce. This does not have to be a cause for grief — in fact many times clients are looking forward to their new lives.

When I meet people and tell them that I am a divorce lawyer, I often get comments something like: “We have been married for over 20 years; I guess we will never need your services.” Or, “ We’ve been married so long, there’d be no point breaking up. Divorce is something the younger folks do.” Contrary to popular belief, mature couples divorce every day. Many of my clients have been married 20 to 30 years and even more. A significant amount are over 50 and I have even had clients over 70. The mid life and beyond divorce is not as unusual as one may think. As people live longer they may find that they have outgrown their marriage. One person may be ready for change and the other wants to remain the same. Read more….

Divorce Celebrations That Support Healthy Marriage Dissolution

This is a guest post by Paul Zohav, www.relationshipliteracy.com

We all know that establishing a marriage is easier than disassembling one. A ritual or other ceremonial conclusion can support dissolving marriages and help them achieve a healthier conclusion.

Weddings come with substantial community participation and celebration why not Divorces as well? Dissolving a business requires great care; shouldn’t dissolving a family require even more forethought and preparation? Read more….

Divorce for Mid-Life Couples: Calling it Quits

“Once upon a time men and women in their 50s and 60s didn’t have serious marital problems—this was primarily because they were dead.” According to a recent NEWSWEEK article

Maria and Arnold, Tipper and Al, the Redstones — all long term marriages ending after decades. Is this a trend? Is this new? Not in my experience of observing marriages ending in the last 15 years. Because of my focus, my own age, and my marketing demographics, my clients tend to scew slightly older. My oldest client so far was 86. Most of my clients have been married 20 years or more.

Is that a surprise? Not really if you look at varying socioeconomic influences in our culture. Here are some of the outside influences on today’s mature couple. These influences are neither good nor bad. They are just facts of modern life. Read more….

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