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Karin Quirk
Attorney at Law
(425) 289-0293
5400 Carillon Point
Kirkland, WA 98033

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email: info@DivorceForGrownups.net

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Why Talking to a Divorce Lawyer Can Save Your Marriage

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Mr. X, a CEO of a well known public company;  Mr. Y, a public figure running for office; Ms. Z, a stay-at-home-mom in a twenty plus year marriage.  What do they all have in common?  They are people I have met with and discussed options for divorce or legal separation and they are all still married.

Often people fantasize about another life — the what ifs.  Sometimes that fantasy leads them down a path of considering dissolving their marriage.  What are the options?  What will it cost?  What is the alternative?

In each of the cases I mentioned earlier, the person met with me and we discussed  what the options were.  In each case, the person realized that staying in his/her marriage was a better option — for him/her.   Hopefully each went to counseling and resolved the issues.

The majority of times, however, people learn that the outlook for a better life was better than they thought.  People are relieved to learn that it is not necessary to have “grounds”, you don’t have to prove fault.  In this state the only grounds are “The marriage is irretrievably broken”.  Often they discover the money issue is not as bad as they thought and the scary stories their friends were telling them did not really apply to them or that the threats made by their spouse were simply not true.  (Example:  ”the kids will live with me because you can’t afford to provide for them” or “you have to support me the rest of my life”)

I find that people are very nervous about seeing a “divorce lawyer”.   I offer a legal “coaching” session for that very reason.   When someone comes to me for a coaching session I make it a comfortable, informal situation as we sit around a table.  No one sits opposite me as  I  hide behind a big, imposing desk.    I do not have them fill out a huge questionnaire, I usually don’t even take out the yellow legal pad.  I just listen and answer questions as honestly and completely as I can.  My goal is to inform the person so he/she can make a decision based on facts.

Over time I have developed a sense of whether a person is ready to take the next step in a dissolution.  If I don’t think the person is there yet, I am honest.  I should get compensation from the marriage counselors and the floral industry!

Legal coaching is just that — coaching and answering questions.  It is not the beginning of an adversarial process.

If you know someone who keeps talking about perhaps dissolving their marriage you might just be doing them a big favor by suggesting a coaching session with me to help them get the information they need to make an informed decision.

Here is a link to a previous post that explains more: http://divorceforgrownups.net/2011/03/dont-want-to-hire-a-lawyer-for-your-divorce-how-about-a-legal-coach/

 

Dissolving a Marriage or Partnership – At Mid-Life and Beyond

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While looking for new topics to post I have been reviewing some of my previous postings and I am finding some relevant ones worth reposting. This is from September 2009 and I have added some updates.  Many of my clients have been married long term and are facing a mid life divorce.  This does not have to be a cause for grief — in fact many times clients are looking forward to their new lives.

When I meet people and tell them that I am a divorce lawyer, I often get comments something like: “We have been married for over 20 years; I guess we will never need your services.” Or, “ We’ve been married so long, there’d be no point breaking up. Divorce is something the younger folks do.” Contrary to popular belief, mature couples divorce every day. Many of my clients have been married 20 to 30 years and even more. A significant amount are over 50 and I have even had clients over 70. The mid life and beyond divorce is not as unusual as one may think. As people live longer they may find that they have outgrown their marriage. One person may be ready for change and the other wants to remain the same. Read more….

My Journey to Becoming a Divorce Lawyer for Grownups

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This blog has always been a series of articles designed to educate people about the divorce process and encouraging them to behave like grownups and engage in cooperative respectful divorce.  It has never been about me.  In fact I have a personal blog in which I exercise my creative muscles and share my personal stories.  I belong to a support group of bloggers which has encouraged me to tell the story of how I came to be a champion of grown up divorce. Read more….

Divorce for Mid-Life Couples: Calling it Quits

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“Once upon a time men and women in their 50s and 60s didn’t have serious marital problems—this was primarily because they were dead.” According to a recent NEWSWEEK article

Maria and Arnold, Tipper and Al, the Redstones — all long term marriages ending after decades.  Is this a trend?  Is this new?  Not in my experience of observing marriages ending in the last 15 years.   Because of my focus,  my own age, and my marketing demographics,  my clients tend to scew slightly older.  My oldest client so far was 86. Most of my clients have been married 20 years or more.

Is that a surprise?  Not really if you look at varying socioeconomic influences in our culture.  Here are some of the outside influences on today’s mature couple.  These influences are neither good nor bad.  They are just facts of modern life. Read more….

Divorce and Your Business: Minimize the Impact

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While ultimately a personal matter, divorce affects business in time, money, and lost productivity.  An employee going through an emotionally troubling time may be less productive, miss work and may involve other employees in the drama.  Many business also are concerned about revealing private or sensitive information.

When the business owner is the person involved in the divorce process the consequences on the business can be even more dramatic, if not devastating.  If the business owner is distracted, the business suffers.  The legal discovery process can be as distressing as a tax audit with even greater economic consequences.    A small business may also be destroyed by the need to liquidate assets to affect the community property division. Read more….

The Impact of Divorce on a Business

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While ultimately a personal matter, divorce affects business in time, money, and lost productivity. An employee going through an emotionally troubling time may be less productive, miss work and may involve other employees in the drama. Many business also are concerned about revealing private or sensitive information.

When the business owner is the person involved in the divorce process the consequences on the business can be even more dramatic, if not devastating.If the business owner is distracted, the business suffers. The legal discovery process can be as distressing as a tax audit with even greater economic consequences. A small business may also be destroyed by the need to liquidate assets to affect the community property division. Read more….

 
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