Mr. X, a CEO of a well known public company;  Mr. Y, a public figure running for office; Ms. Z, a stay-at-home-mom in a twenty plus year marriage.  What do they all have in common?  They are people I have met with and discussed options for divorce or legal separation and they are all still married.

Often people fantasize about another life — the what ifs.  Sometimes that fantasy leads them down a path of considering dissolving their marriage.  What are the options?  What will it cost?  What is the alternative?

In each of the cases I mentioned earlier, the person met with me and we discussed  what the options were.  In each case, the person realized that staying in his/her marriage was a better option — for him/her.   Hopefully each went to counseling and resolved the issues.

The majority of times, however, people learn that the outlook for a better life was better than they thought.  People are relieved to learn that it is not necessary to have “grounds”, you don’t have to prove fault.  In this state the only grounds are “The marriage is irretrievably broken”.  Often they discover the money issue is not as bad as they thought and the scary stories their friends were telling them did not really apply to them or that the threats made by their spouse were simply not true.  (Example:  ”the kids will live with me because you can’t afford to provide for them” or “you have to support me the rest of my life”)

I find that people are very nervous about seeing a “divorce lawyer”.   I offer a legal “coaching” session for that very reason.   When someone comes to me for a coaching session I make it a comfortable, informal situation as we sit around a table.  No one sits opposite me as  I  hide behind a big, imposing desk.    I do not have them fill out a huge questionnaire, I usually don’t even take out the yellow legal pad.  I just listen and answer questions as honestly and completely as I can.  My goal is to inform the person so he/she can make a decision based on facts.

Over time I have developed a sense of whether a person is ready to take the next step in a dissolution.  If I don’t think the person is there yet, I am honest.  I should get compensation from the marriage counselors and the floral industry!

Legal coaching is just that — coaching and answering questions.  It is not the beginning of an adversarial process.

If you know someone who keeps talking about perhaps dissolving their marriage you might just be doing them a big favor by suggesting a coaching session with me to help them get the information they need to make an informed decision.

Here is a link to a previous post that explains more: http://divorceforgrownups.net/2011/03/dont-want-to-hire-a-lawyer-for-your-divorce-how-about-a-legal-coach/