Divorce Process in WA State « Divorce For Grownups

Why Talking to a Divorce Lawyer Can Save Your Marriage

Mr. X, a CEO of a well known public company; Mr. Y, a public figure running for office; Ms. Z, a stay-at-home-mom in a twenty plus year marriage. What do they all have in common? They are people I have met with and discussed options for divorce or legal separation and they are all still married.

Often people fantasize about another life — the what ifs. Sometimes that fantasy leads them down a path of considering dissolving their marriage. What are the options? What will it cost? What is the alternative?

In each of the cases I mentioned earlier, the person met with me and we discussed what the options were. In each case, the person realized that staying in his/her marriage was a better option — for him/her. Hopefully each went to counseling and resolved the issues.

The majority of times, however, people learn that the outlook for a better life was better than they thought. People are relieved to learn that it is not necessary to have “grounds”, you don’t have to prove fault. In this state the only grounds are “The marriage is irretrievably broken”. Often they discover the money issue is not as bad as they thought and the scary stories their friends were telling them did not really apply to them or that the threats made by their spouse were simply not true. (Example: ”the kids will live with me because you can’t afford to provide for them” or “you have to support me the rest of my life”)

I find that people are very nervous about seeing a “divorce lawyer”. I offer a legal “coaching” session for that very reason. When someone comes to me for a coaching session I make it a comfortable, informal situation as we sit around a table. No one sits opposite me as I hide behind a big, imposing desk. I do not have them fill out a huge questionnaire, I usually don’t even take out the yellow legal pad. I just listen and answer questions as honestly and completely as I can. My goal is to inform the person so he/she can make a decision based on facts.

Over time I have developed a sense of whether a person is ready to take the next step in a dissolution. If I don’t think the person is there yet, I am honest. I should get compensation from the marriage counselors and the floral industry!

Legal coaching is just that — coaching and answering questions. It is not the beginning of an adversarial process.

If you know someone who keeps talking about perhaps dissolving their marriage you might just be doing them a big favor by suggesting a coaching session with me to help them get the information they need to make an informed decision.

Here is a link to a previous post that explains more: http://divorceforgrownups.net/2011/03/dont-want-to-hire-a-lawyer-for-your-divorce-how-about-a-legal-coach/

How to Handle a Parenting Evaluation

The major benefit of a cooperative divorce with children is that the parents work together on a parenting plan that is in the best interests of the children without court intervention. However sometimes it is necessary to involve the court. Either party may request a parenting evaluation or the court, if it deems necessary, may appoint an evaluator. My friend, attorney Alan Funk has written an excellent paper to help parents involved in an evaluation. I have reprinted here with his permission. Thank you Alan.

By: Alan Scott Funk

Appointing and Retaining the evaluator

Evaluators are usually appointed by the court at an initial hearing. Once contacted, most evaluators will send a questionnaire, request a a fee deposit, and require a contract. PROMPTLY RESPOND. The evaluator may negatively view an inability to handle these simple tasks. Work with your attorney, complete the forms, and pay the deposit. Your attorney will probably want to send the documents filed in the case, and may also want to send a letter letting the evaluator know your position. DO NOT act without coordinating with your attorney. Read more….

Common Myths About Divorce in Washington State

Seven Common Misperceptions about Divorce in Washington State

1. This is a community property state so everything is 50-50

While asset and debt acquired during the marriage is community property in Washington, it is not necessarily divided equally. The operating word in Washington is “equitable”. There are a number of standards by which equitable is determined. The length of the marriage, the relative earning capacity of the parties, the age and health of the parties as well as the existence of separate wealth are all factors in determining equitable. Read more….

Annulment? It’s Not That Easy

Every now and then someone comes to me for an “annulment”. They tell me that it was just a short time and they never lived together. Or, they never had sex. Or, they found out that the new spouse didn’t really have the money he/she said he/she did. The explanations vary but the answer is always the same — it’s not that easy.

We often hear of the Hollywood marriage of short duration — Britney, Kim and a myriad others change their mind after only a few weeks of marriage. The press questions why they cite “irreconcilable differences” and seek a divorce rather than getting an annulment. There is a misperception that if a marriage was of short duration and the parties have a change of heart they can just make it go away as a whoops. It isn’t that simple. Read more….

Children as Property, During a Divorce? Parents as the Board of Directors

“You were once husband and wife, then you became mom and dad, now you will no longer be husband and wife but you will always be mom and dad.” So advises my friend, a family therapist who helps divorcing parents.

As I try to work with soon-to-be ex spouses I help them divide their property and debt, help them make financial support decisions, and develop a parenting plan that is in their children’s best interest. Most often the parties are able to negotiate the property and support issues in a businesslike way, the parenting plan, (our newer nomenclature for “custody”) often becomes mired in emotional baggage. Read more….

Help! I’ve just been served!

Getting served divorce papers must be right up there with the worst day of your life. The papers are very official looking and in your shock completely inconprehensible. The cover is a “Summons” that extols you to respond within a certain number of days. What to do? Read more….

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